When He Gives You The Silent Treatment – I had a great visit with my sweet nieces. When I’m with them, I try to stay away from social media, so I give them a lot of undivided attention. I’m back now and glad so many of you took the time to watch Fred and Marie’s video and shared your comments. Now, if anyone knows of a similar video with more passive/aggressive or covert offensive tactics, I’d love to know about it.
Tonight (Wednesday, July 13th) I will be on my professional Facebook page live streaming at 7:30pm EST. I will discuss boundaries – what they are and how to establish them. Please join me.
When He Gives You The Silent Treatment
Our CONQUER conference has so far registered over 200 women from across the US and Canada. Early Bird pricing is still in effect and I would love for you to come, grow, grow strong and encourage one another. To register, click here.
How To Handle It When A Friend, Partner Or Loved One Gives You The Silent Treatment.
Question: What is the correct response to the silent treatment when 10 days have passed and you will be charged no matter what? Do you distance yourself or move towards reconciliation?
Answer: First, it is important to distinguish between the silent treatment and time out. A timeout is a good thing and is taken when a couple is arguing in an unproductive or destructive way and one or both parties seek a timeout to calm down, rest, regroup, pray, or do whatever it takes to bounce back. and discuss the topic or problem constructively. Ideally, the time-out should last no longer than 24 hours, and the person who called the time-out initiates reconnecting with the other spouse to say when he or she would be ready to resume the discussion.
The silent treatment is not helpful and is a passive aggressive form of punishment. A person is angry or displeased with something you did or didn’t do and instead of talking about it, there is a withdrawal of communication, attention and care as a means of punishment. I remember a woman I worked with whose husband wouldn’t talk to her for over a year despite her pleas to talk things out.
I am answering this question from a woman who has a husband who gives her the silent treatment, but I am aware that women can also be guilty of giving their husbands the silent treatment.
Reasons You Shouldn’t Give Your Boyfriend The Silent Treatment
A person who chooses the silent treatment as a behavior pattern is operating from a victim mindset. The sense of victimhood believes that it is powerless to bring about change and blames circumstances (or other people) for how it feels. He is hurt or angry about something, but refuses, to be honest, and talks about what is bothering him. He will not work to express his feelings, express his needs, negotiate a compromise, understand the other person’s perspective and move towards a solution and reconcile the relationship or even end the relationship. Instead, he manipulates, punishes, and tries to control the other person through prolonged silence.
Deep down, the silent partner wants two things. He wants to make you pay for upsetting him and wants you to take full responsibility (blame) for his emotional state and rescue him from his funk of trying to fix the relationship. Unfortunately, even when you try to do this, the silent spouse often resists your attempts and further rejects you through continued silence (more punishment). You somehow need to realize what you did wrong, make amends, and beg this person to get back into a relationship with you, without having to take any responsibility for communication or working on a mutual solution.
But your question was, what should you do when you are receiving the silent treatment? First, you need to work on not reacting to his passive aggression toward you. He tempts you to step into two unhealthy roles if you are not alert. You will either start the rescue process as I have already described, or you will get angry and lean into the role of the persecutor, which will embarrass him and attack him. And be careful, you may go back and forth between the two. Either way, he remains innocent, blameless, a victim and will continue to see you as the bad guy – the one who is to blame for everything that is wrong in his life.
Instead of doing the old dance again, just get on with your life while he ponders in silence. Go out with friends and try not to take his rejection personally. Instead, see it as a very immature response to being unhappy about something and not being able to deal with his feelings. What you can do is keep urging (not begging) him to take responsibility for himself, to talk about what’s wrong.
When Prospects Give You The Silent Treatment
“I’m happy to discuss what’s wrong when you’re ready to discuss this, just let me know.”
And then go on with your life. Hopefully, this will signal to your husband that his tactics to control or punish you are not working. You will no longer rescue a beggar or a badger. At this point, you will function as a healthy adult who invites another adult into a discussion about “what’s wrong.”
You can’t force someone to talk about it, nor can you fix something if you don’t know what’s broken (tweet it).
Understand that this new approach does not come without risk. He may sink more into a victim mentality, feeling rejected and that you don’t care about him because you’re not putting yourself out there to “fix and save” the relationship. Or, his aggression may go from passive to more active and he may start talking, but it’s usually not a constructive conversation, but blaming, blaming, and attacking words, blaming you for everything that’s wrong with his life and your marriage. .
Silent Treatment Quotes For Those Who Get Cold Shouldered
At that point, it’s important to stay in the Core Force and really see what’s going on so you can find some sympathy for him. How? Remember, he can’t express himself in a good way, so his typical way is to shut down and keep quiet. When that doesn’t work, he explodes and vomits his ugly feelings. Yes, it’s painful, but it’s clear that he doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions any better than he does.
I can see you are very upset and hurt or angry and I’m glad you are willing to tell me what’s bothering you, but the way you’re talking right now is destructive and I can’t listen to you attacking me. I’m going to give you some time to calm down and figure out how to tell me what’s wrong in a more constructive way.
“Then go away. Again, you are inviting him to mature, to grow, to learn how to express himself, but in healthier ways to solve the problem and not just let it attack you.
In the end, unfortunately, nothing can change with him, but if you do not get involved in the destructive pattern, a lot can change with you.
What Is The Narcissistic Silent Treatment?
Friends, what do you do when you’ve been on the receiving end of the silent treatment? Or, have you been the one who kept quiet, refusing to talk about what was wrong? If so, what has this blog taught you?
When you’re wrong, I’m wrong: What’s the difference between my problem, your problem, and our problem?
Every week, Leslie & Co. answers an anonymous blog reader question. Due to the volume of questions we receive, we cannot answer them all. Please submit your question below:
Good evening friends, I had an amazing weekend that left me physically exhausted, but with a great feeling of fulfillment. I passed my motorcycle safety course and am now the proud owner of a motorcycle license! Never in a million years would I have thought I would do this, let alone pass it! The course…
Give Me The Silent Treatment And I’ll Show You Who’s Better At It
Morning friends, Thank you for your prayers as you speak in San Diego at the American Association of Christian Counselors International Marriage Summit. I gave the keynote speech at Saturday’s luncheon on Three Critical Mistakes That Help People Work With Couples in a Destructive Marriage, and I could feel your prayers as I spoke. Now keep praying…
Morning friends, in honor of Christmas and the need for both Martha and I to have a less stressful week, I thought I’d repeat a blog I did a few years ago about a person’s vulnerability to being a repeat victim in abusive relationships. Please don’t take this as challenging anyone…It can be satisfying to watch a friend or partner roll over under the silent treatment, but is it doing your relationship a favor? Let’s explore the psychology behind the silent treatment.
But not all silence is created equal and not all silence is the stuff of dreams. In fact, when it comes to the silent treatment, it can be an absolute nightmare.
The silent treatment can be defined as a change from regular conversation and engagement in the relationship, to minimal or no engagement that lasts longer than a reasonable “cooling off period” after an argument or problem.
How To Deal With A Jealous Friend Who Gives You The Silent Treatment
It may take time
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