What To Say To Someone When They Are Depressed – A year ago, I had a miscarriage and it changed my life forever. It’s not something I ever knew was very common or I didn’t think it would happen to me. However, 1 in 4 women tend to have a miscarriage. These are SHOCKING statistics and the more we know the better we can help each other. I never wanted to be a part of that statistic, but I did and I learned a lot about myself as well as how others handle adversity in the process. I want to continue sharing my story in hopes that it will help me and others. Knowing what to say when someone has a miscarriage is very helpful because most people brush it off and tell me that a miscarriage is hard, and the most important thing anyone needs is to be told “at least you’re pregnant” when they’re sad. not only the baby but also the future.
Here we are a year later after my miscarriage and my life has changed forever. Last year on March 31st I wasn’t sure how I was going to get through. However, I have become stronger, have set firmer boundaries and really have less time for those who were not able to show up for me when I am the most. I have also learned how to talk to others who are grieving. I’m not an expert and I still have work to do but I thought I’d share my story from last year and what I’ve learned may or may not be useful to one person so you can also show support to that 1 in 4 person in your life .
What To Say To Someone When They Are Depressed
Last year we decided to try again and we were lucky enough to get pregnant and now have a 7 week old baby boy. That in itself there was a process and I was bitter and angry and upset and felt that I should be grateful every second of my pregnancy because of the words that people have said to me. I feel that if I complain, people will think that my sadness is not real and that I should be able to move on easily and smoothly as if nothing happened. I spent the whole pregnancy worried. I feel guilty too. It was wrong that I got pregnant easily. It’s wrong to have a healthy pregnancy when everyone else is struggling. I was wrong that I replaced the last baby with the new one. So, here’s a little update on what it was like last year after the miscarriage and of course my ideas on what to say when someone has a miscarriage.
Things To Say To Someone With Depression
I should have heard this time last year. That’s what helped me heal. I tried to put on a happy face. Heck, I went to work the day of my miscarriage even though I had 2 hours of sleep and the contractions and bleeding were horrible. I feel the need to move on. I felt like I should be ok. Until I didn’t and realized it was ok to not be ok.
Today marks one year since my miscarriage and it has truly changed me forever. I tried to power through but it was not so easy.
I never thought that I would share all this personal information on the internet, but I found other people’s journeys that helped me, so I want to continue sharing in the hope of normalizing it and helping to bring more help to those who need it.
I’m 1 in 4. A statistic I didn’t know existed and never dreamed of being a part of. Just because it’s common doesn’t mean it’s easy. I still wonder what if every day.
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Time helps you move forward but it doesn’t make you forget. I’m so blessed to have a little person to hold every day and I’m thankful but that doesn’t mean my past is gone. And the hardest part is that now I should be fine. And while I’m usually okay, I still have moments when I get angry and sad. I wonder what if and I feel guilty for feeling all that when I have a baby to take care of. I keep thinking “my baby will be X months now” even though I have 7 weeks here which I love so much.
I remember crying whenever I opened social media. It’s torture to see everyone pregnant and having babies. I am bitter, angry, upset & broken. I started withdrawing and became disconnected from my closest friends. It sucks. However, I took some time off from social media to stop scrolling. If you haven’t done it in a while, I highly recommend it. I went out and I stopped googling why I miscarried. Guess what? They just do it.
Then I shared my story. I became part of the club I never wanted to be part of with so many women who did not ask to join either. The power of this underground club and its story is something to behold. Through my story and the stories of others I began to heal. He not only shared the grief he felt, but also how it unfolded months to years later. It is comforting to know that there is a way through everything.
Then I got pregnant again. I was very scared. I am also bitter that the experience of my first pregnancy has been taken from me. I now have to go through a pregnancy after a loss. I see people posting about how they are afraid of losing the baby but they are not. She had a healthy pregnancy with no history of miscarriage. I am healthy. I prioritize nutrition. I am active. I’m careful. Why me? I’ve also heard people joke about quarantine babies and I’m angry because if the first one doesn’t lose, it won’t count. It’s not funny to me. I have planned to get pregnant not because we are locked but because we want to start a family.
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So much has changed in a year and I am forever grateful. I am less bitter now but I am more aware of the anxiety that pregnancy brings to women. A funny thing happened, I stopped googling and started living. My pregnancy was more relaxed than I could have imagined. Motherhood is the same. My miscarriage taught me how much things are out of control. It doesn’t mean I don’t worry but I learned that I need to let it go. Just know that you’re going, even if something keeps going. It’s ok to not be ok. Find help and know that brighter days are coming.
Now that you’re caught up on my journey, let’s talk about how we can support others going through this, shall we? We’ll start with what not to say. I wish I could say I haven’t heard any of these things, but, well, I have. It sucks. Answer: The last thing I wanted to hear was “at least you’re pregnant”. I understand what you are saying is that there are many women who struggle with infertility, 1 in 8, in fact. But, all I hear is “don’t be sad, it’s okay.” But for me, it’s a big problem. I have spent most of my adulthood waiting to be “ready” to have a child and when I finally did and was excited to see a positive pregnancy test, I was angry that it was over. I have started planning our future and what it will look like. Not only did I lose the baby, I lost what could have been and the future I saw for my family.
When reaching out to a friend who has had a miscarriage, there are a few things that may be well-intentioned but may not help…
Now that we know what not to say, here are some simple but helpful things for those who have had a miscarriage…
Things To Say Someone Dealing With Depression
The button is visible only. You might say it wrong, but try to be right. Be there for a friend and know that they will be a smaller version of themselves. He’ll be ok, he’s not now. They need your support, they don’t need you to fix them. And remember just because he’s laughing doesn’t mean he wasn’t up the night before.
Feel free to comment on other things you’ve found helpful when dealing with miscarriage or grief in your life. The more we know what is helpful and what isn’t, the more we can help each other heal instead of adding to the trauma.
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