When Someone Tells You They Have Cancer – Sharing the news of a cancer diagnosis with loved ones can be overwhelming. A cancer diagnosis can evoke complex feelings. Creating space to express these feelings can be difficult, especially when you’re struggling with your own emotions.
Just because something is hard doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing. Sharing your feelings and experiences can ease heavy emotions.
When Someone Tells You They Have Cancer
There is no specific right or wrong way to have this conversation, but there are things you can do to prepare.
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Preparing yourself for a difficult conversation will make it easier. You can prepare to share your cancer diagnosis by making a list of loved ones you want to tell directly. It may also help to have a list of people you want to pass on information to who are close to you. You don’t have to tell everyone in your life.
Often, people immediately want to know how they can help. Consider how you want to answer and be willing to accept help.
Your loved ones may also have questions about your diagnosis. You can prepare yourself by preparing resources before you start the discussion. One resource you can recommend is our website, where they can find information about treatment methods.
A cancer diagnosis can be emotional. You may feel angry after being asked about your treatment and other related matters. Knowing ahead of time what things will upset you will help you during your discussion. You can prepare by planning how you want to change the subject of the conversation when someone asks you about these things.
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After you’ve prepared yourself to tell your loved one, you may want to practice starting the conversation. By planning where and how you want to tell your loved ones, you can easily start the conversation.
Sometimes we make things more difficult by assuming the right setting for difficult conversations to happen. The “best place” is wherever you feel most comfortable.
While some people feel that this type of conversation should be done in person, you may feel more comfortable discussing it over the phone. It’s your news to share, so you shouldn’t feel guilty about what you decide.
You can start by asking them what they already know. Your loved one may already know some things, and asking this early on will prevent you from repeating information. This makes it easier to share your cancer diagnosis, which they already have an idea about.
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If sharing your cancer diagnosis all at once seems too difficult, you can introduce the subject slowly. Mention to your loved one that you’re seeing a doctor and let the conversation flow from there.
There may be pauses and awkward silences in the conversation. This is normal. Ask your loved ones how they feel and try to respond to their emotions while acknowledging your own. Some people may just listen and not contribute much to the conversation at first. If you feel uncomfortable, it is better to return to small talk. Small talk serves as a reminder that life goes on and helps maintain normalcy.
It may help to see the stories of other survivors. Having a sense of community and knowing you’re not alone can provide relief and make difficult conversations easier. Share with your loved ones what helps you and has helped others in the past.
At the Community Cancer Center we strive to exceed expectations of typical patient care. We know this is an incredibly difficult time for you and your family. Your comfort is always our priority and we believe in providing the highest quality care with compassion. You have a different screening test and physical exam for all types of cancer. There are imaging tests and CT scan, lab tests to detect if cancer cells are present. Waiting makes you wonder how to cope with a cancer diagnosis.
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“A cancer diagnosis is painful, devastating,” said Josie Allen, LCSW, counselor with OSF Cancer Support Services. “In the beginning, there was shock, fear, anxiety; All these thoughts are swirling around.”
You cannot control your diagnosis. But it’s important to realize that you can control your thoughts surrounding your diagnosis. How you come to terms with your diagnosis can affect your treatment decisions and quality of life.
The good news is that cancer treatments continue to improve. Cancer survivors all around us lead productive lives. You can too.
“We encourage people to acknowledge their loss and anxiety, but focus on what’s going on,” says Jozi. “Having the information you need to be informed about your health can help you develop a treatment plan with your care team as well as reduce your anxiety.”
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Part of the process involves self-examination. What is important to you? What are your priorities? What are your goals for your treatment and beyond?
“Knowing your values, goals, and priorities can help you make the best treatment decisions for you. This will help give you a clear perspective on how to approach your treatment. It can also help motivate you for treatment.
Even if your cancer is advanced and your outlook is not good, you can control how you proceed with the time you have left.
“Be clear about your desires, your thoughts on quality of life, and what that means to you,” Jozi says. “Creating short-term goals that improve your overall quality of life is a great way to reign in anxious thoughts. These goals could be a weekly visit with a family member or friend, a new coping skill, or adding exercise to your daily routine.”
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Remember – new developments in treatments and innovative clinical trials are starting all the time. There is always hope.
Another question you may face is how much you want to share with others. Some people consider announcing their cancer diagnosis on social media and posting regular updates. Other people don’t want anyone to know. However, others occupy every inch of territory between those extremes.
“I always tell people, ‘There’s no right or wrong way to do it. There’s only the best way for you,'” Jozi said.
Deciding who to tell about your cancer diagnosis and how to tell them can be overwhelming and exhausting. Telling your loved ones and anyone who can provide care is a good place to start. Then, they can relieve the burden of letting others know if you need help.
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Another thing is that you may need at least some help from loved ones – even if it’s as simple as transportation.
“Sometimes patients don’t want to share their diagnosis and treatment with others, and that’s fine. If you’re in an unexpected situation, it’s helpful to have a response ready. For example, ‘I’m not comfortable sharing information with others right now, but I appreciate your concern,'” says Jozi.
Sharing your journey with trusted friends and family can help reduce anxiety, loneliness and fear. Peer support groups reinforce the fact that you are not alone.
A cancer diagnosis affects not only you but the lives of the people around you. Make it an opportunity to strengthen yourself and your relationships.
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“I think it’s also important to mention the role that spirituality plays,” says Jozi. “If anyone has faith and trust in God, now is the time to rely on it. Faith and spirituality can reduce anxiety and bring peace when you are going through something painful.
Joji also advises seeing your situation as an opportunity to make positive changes in your lifestyle and habits. For additional help, you can access online resources provided by organizations such as the American Cancer Society and the National Cancer Institute, or contact local support groups and religious organizations.
“A cancer diagnosis changes you,” she says. “You can’t control that you have cancer, and you can’t control what happens to you during treatment. But you can control how you see the challenges along the way and how you approach and navigate them.
“So find control over what you can. Set a daily routine. Keep a journal. Try to implement healthy lifestyle choices. Exercise as much as you can. Reevaluate your values and priorities. The changes that occur after a cancer diagnosis lead to personal growth and a new outlook on life.
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