When Someone You Love Has Ptsd – You may know what it feels like to watch someone you care deeply about suffer or possibly unravel. It can feel helpless, powerless and heartbreaking. Have you extended a tender and friendly invitation to help, such as dropping texts like “I’m here for you” or a direct “what can I do to help?” only to receive a definitive ‘no’ as an answer? The rejection could have been a confusing “No, I’m fine,” or an angry “leave me alone”; either, or a response in between, may seem irrational since, from your perspective, this person is clearly suffering.
Being pushed away and rejected for trying to help someone or even connect with someone who may have PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) can feel confusing and irrational, and you might take it personally if you think you said something wrong or done. But the more you know about trauma and how the body experiences it, stores it, and protects you from future trauma, you’ll find it makes perfect sense.
When Someone You Love Has Ptsd
There are the Big “T” traumas, a singular traumatic event that could have happened days or decades ago, and the Little “T” traumas, an accumulation of smaller or less pronounced events. The common thread for both is that someone has experienced something very scary and has felt very alone in and/or with it. The “alone” part doesn’t assume that you were physically alone, just that you felt alone. For example, someone/others may be with you during the experience or afterward, but if they don’t talk to you about it or even acknowledge that it happened, the feeling of being “alone” can encode the experience in the victim as one major threat to survival.
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Once the body has encoded an experience as a threat to survival, it is remembered and stored in the limbic system, making it easy and quick to recall, unlike long-term memory. If the victim of Big T or Little T trauma(s) receives emotional support, empathy, compassion, tenderness and is given the opportunity to process this with help from family, friends or a professional, then the trauma has a good chance to develop in a long-term situation. term memory.
However, if the experience lingers in the limbic system for various reasons, this past experience may be triggered or “relieved” months or years later with something as small as a sound or a smell, and the victim may feel that the trauma occurs again, even if that is not the case. While there are more criteria for a mental health professional to diagnose, this is PTSD, even though it is a simplified and general definition.
When I work with my people who have experienced trauma, I like to familiarize them with our wonderful autonomic nervous system, which I call “the hazard detection system.” The reason why someone with PTSD can be triggered months or years later is that our danger detection system notices a perceived threat and sets off the internal alarms so that we can be better prepared this time to fight, flee, scream or freeze in a attempt. to survive. And for some, the danger detection system can trap us in fight/run/scream mobilization (sympathetic nervous system) or frozen immobilization (a dorsal vagal response within the parasympathetic nervous system).
Here are some things you can do to support someone with PTSD who is pushing you away. Communicate your support
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If your loved one has entered a sympathetic nervous system state, he will behave in accordance with his wiring when he becomes angry, confrontational, or wants to run away from you. Their physiological state does not allow them to simply calm down; they need to be seen and acknowledged that they are going through something very frightening and letting them know that you want to be by their side while they go through this can be very helpful.
If they still push you away, please respond with tenderness and, above all, without judgment! Let them know that you love them, that you can see and feel their suffering, and that you want them to know that they are not alone. If your loved one can see your face, hear your voice, or be physically close to you during this interaction, so much the better, because your grounded and non-judgmental attitude can help them feel safe, connected, and protected.
Once your person has emerged from the fight/flight or freeze response, which may take hours or even a few days, you may want to talk to him or her, in a nonjudgmental and compassionate manner, about seeking help from a trauma-informed person. mental health professional if this behavior appears to be occurring more often.
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Feeling empathy, or “walking a mile in someone else’s shoes,” is difficult when someone you care about raises their voice, talks with run-on sentences and won’t look at you, or literally asks you to leave them alone . After all, you are human and it stings when we extend a helping hand and it is pushed away.
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However, if you take a moment to pause and think about what your friend or loved one is experiencing, rather than focusing on your experience of being pushed away, your empathy can help them get out of their fight/flight state. Once you have become empathetic, you can give them nonverbal empathetic and compassionate signals, such as a warm, gentle smile or a hand on your heart, which can send signals to their nervous system that you are not a threat.
When your person can sense, hear, see, or sense your empathy, their nervous system will likely allow their body to soften. If he or she doesn’t respond well to empathy the first time, try again, and again if necessary, because this person may need to know that your empathy is real and consistent, and not a trick to get him or her to let down their guard .6 Things to Do Know before you fall in love with someone with PTSD. Their trauma will cause trauma in you. Know that part first.
I knew what to look for and where to get treatment, but I had no idea how the disease would affect me in the short and long term.
Everyone’s experience varies, but these are ways that loving a person with PTSD has affected my daily life.
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Six things to know before committing to someone with PTSD1. Your sleep will likely be affected
The person’s brain is stuck trying to process the horror of the previous event, and it repeats itself over and over in his or her dreams, triggering feelings of anger, guilt, shame and fear – to name a few. to call.
Many trauma survivors try to avoid sleeping as much as possible and try to exhaust themselves (hoping to fall into a dreamless sleep because they are on the brink of exhaustion) or pass out from drugs, alcohol, or other forms of exhaustion. use of sleeping pills.
Before I met Marc, I was a good sleeper. I loved sleeping – I still do. Nothing is better than crawling into fresh sheets and waking up feeling refreshed and ready to start the day.
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Within weeks of being with Marc, I started listening to the change in his breathing and noticed that he was having a nightmare so I could quickly wake him up. As a result, I became a light sleeper with supersonic ears.
After I woke him up, it took a few minutes for him to shake off the horrors of the dreams, and I stayed awake for a few more minutes to make sure he didn’t slip back into the same dream.
This happened several times a night, and after 2-3 times in one night, sleep was no longer possible for either of us.
Once activated, they fear the onslaught of emotions and the rapid deterioration of their ability to control those emotions. I learned very quickly which things were safe and which things to avoid.
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Our most epic fight was during our first 4th of July together. I wanted to get to the base and enjoy the festivities, and I couldn’t understand why Marc was so concerned.
As a war veteran, the fireworks sounded like shots being fired, and the crowd was nerve-wracking. We went, but the energy required to get through the evening was taxing.
It became easier to remember what to avoid, and I started doing this unconsciously. My world became smaller, just like him.
When you’re raped, you feel like you can no longer trust your instincts, even though your instincts were right all along, and you put all people in the unsafe category.
Love Someone With Ptsd, Ptsd Awareness Sticker, Military Wife Sticker, Not All Wounds Are Visible Sticker, Veterans Sticker, Wounded Warrior
From an early age we are taught honesty – which means: if you are good, good things will happen to you, and if you are bad, bad things will happen.
In trauma, this translates to “What did I do to deserve this?” and “I have to be responsible somehow.” Guilt and self-loathing arise, making it more challenging to be around others.
I couldn’t confide in my friends because I would be sharing secrets that weren’t mine to share. I was one of the few people Marc trusted, and I broke that
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